必克輕松一刻，遇見艾倫，聽聽艾倫脫口秀吧！

So the other day I told you what I did over this summer. And I forgot to mention something pretty important, pretty big, I can describe it in one word, Oscar.

昨天呢我跟大家分享了一下我的假期，然后我發(fā)現(xiàn)我忘了一條很重要很重要的消息用一個詞來形容呢就是奧斯卡。

My neighbor Oscar finally got his braces off. He has perfect teeth so he only has to wear the retainer for two years, so that's good.

我鄰居Oscar終于把他的牙套給取下來了，他現(xiàn)在牙非常整齊，所以只用再戴兩年的固定架就行了，對他來說是個好事。

and in addition to that, I actually agreed to host the academy awards again this year.

另外我確實答應了再次主持奧斯卡頒獎典禮。

So...I hosted in 2007, it was fun, it was an honor, and it's a big decision, you know ,and I...I really...they called and said

我2007年主持過一次，挺開心的，覺得很榮幸，當然啦這也是一個很重大的決定。所以他們來電問我是否愿意再度出山時……

how about it this year, and I was like, ehhh, it's a big decision, and I want to think about it.

我說，額，這是一個很重大的決定，我得需要點時間考慮考慮。

And the way I deal with big decisions is, I think a lot of people do this, I make a pros and cons list.

我在做重大決定的時候一般都會列一個利弊清單，我相信很多人也都是這樣的吧。

And I thought I would take you on a journey inside of my mind, which is scary, hold on.

我本打算帶你們到我得思維深處去逛一圈，可是太嚇人了，先hold住。

And I though I'd read you some pros and cons from my list that I... so umm...

我還是曬出清單，把主持奧斯卡的利弊念給大家聽聽好了……

This is my cvs receipt, this is not...

這是CVS商店的購物小票，不是我的清單……

That's...sorry.

不好意思。

I keep that with me in case I have to return anything, at all times, always, even during...when I do a show, I always have it with me.

我一般都會隨身攜帶小票以防要退貨，隨時隨地哦，哪怕是在錄節(jié)目，也不例外。

Now it's in my sock.

不在兜里就肯定在襪子里了。

That's where I keep my pros and cons list.

我的利弊清單一般都藏在這。

Now I'm gonna have to change my hiding place, because...

不過現(xiàn)在我得再找個新地方藏了，因為……

Ok, so here's a pro: I get to perform in front of 60 million people.

好了，第一個好處是，我將會在六千萬觀眾前一展迷人風采。

Con: Oh my god, 60 million people watch that thing.

弊：額滴神吶，六千萬人要看這個，壓力好大。

pro: I'll be invited to all the cool Oscar after parties.

利：頒獎禮后我會受邀參加各大歡慶派對。

con: I'd like to be tucked in by 7:30.

弊：可是我想在7點半前就上床睡覺。

pro: Meryl Streep could get a record 17th Oscar Nomination.

利：Merry streep有可能創(chuàng)造17次奧斯卡提名的逆天記錄。

con: Hashtag we're over it, Meryl.

弊：我們已經(jīng)無感了。

pro: A lot of fancy designers will wanna approach me and want me to wear a beautiful, expensive gown of theirs.

利：到時候會有很多高端設計師來找我，想讓我穿他們設計的大氣上檔次禮服。

con: Ain't no way in hell I'm wearing a gown.

弊：頭可斷血可流裙子不可穿。

pro: I've done that before, the second time should be even better.

利：我以前主持過一次，那么第二次的話應該會更受歡迎。

con: My second sitcom got canceled after five minutes.

弊：我的第二部情景喜劇當年只播了5分鐘就被砍了。

pro: If I'm on stage hosting, I won't be sitting on my couch drinking margaritas.

利：如果我在臺上主持的話，我就不會窩在沙發(fā)里喝瑪格麗特了。

con: If I'm on stage hosting, I won't be sitting on my couch drinking margaritas.

弊：如果我在臺上主持的話，我就不會窩在沙發(fā)里喝瑪格麗特了。

pro: The theater holds 3000 seats.

利：整個劇院配了3000個觀眾席。

con: It's gonna take 45 minutes to dance throughout all those aisles.

弊：我得花45分鐘才能在所有過道里都跳一遍。

Which is crazy, 'cause... look how... It doesn't take me that long to dance through here.

那也太折騰了吧，因為，你們看看，在這里跳舞就用不了多久。

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